Cathode Ray Culture
by Korey Cieslinski
A fresh, cool breeze swept the smell of rebirth through the suburbs following a spring shower. The sky had begun to clear, revealing thousands of glistening jewels scattered across a charcoal canvas. This symphony of sensory delights was crowned by a bright, full moon that flooded the streets with a blue hued light. Sadly, on this glorious night, left to right, the streets were empty. There were no stargazers, dog walkers, or nature enthusiasts. Inside a two-story house a mind-numbing hum was emitted from the air conditioning unit. Sequentially, every light in the house was turned off as the anticipated time approaches. All of the family members levitated towards the family living room where a blue fog illuminated the room. This fluorescent light emanated from possibly the most influential invention in the history of man, the television. The time had come for the nightly assault of sex, violence, and advertising.
Composed of seven individual units, this epitome of the American nuclear family included a mother, father, and three children. The other two were the family dog, a golden retriever, and a tabby cat. The cat was black all over except for a white tuft of fur on its chest and white boots on every paw. Of the three children, there was one girl and two boys; the girl was the middle child. Eight
o'clock was rapidly approaching and that meant primetime television, the showcase for American culture through the largest media outlet on the planet. The family assimilated in the living room.
The man of the house found his way to a $2,000 Laz-E-Boy. Typical of many homes in the United States, the man of the house had a designated seat that is always reserved for him and is quite often the most comfortable seating apparatus in the home. Next to the recliner stood a small square table, equivalent in height to the arm on the man's throne. After he became firmly situated, he placed his Diet Coke on the table on the spot of optimum convenience. He was joined moments later by the eldest son who chose to sit on the far right hand side of the couch. Then, in an eerily militant fashion, the mother and the two other children marched into the room in succession. The mother and her only daughter took their places on the couch with the mother at the far left hand side and the girl in the middle. The youngest boy took a seat on the black and white Persian rug. The television made an announcement concerning the programming line-up for that night:
Don't miss what the New York Times calls the funniest primetime line-up on TV, with all new episodes of Bachelor For Hire, Sibling Rivalry, and the uncensored final episode of Real Desire, the hottest reality show on the air. And it all starts now with a brand new episode of Family Tries.
Darkness ascended onto the room as the television made the transition to the fore mentioned sitcom. During this darkness, which was unusually long compared to other transition times, the room was relatively silent, aside from noises that are usually emitted to break silences such as yawns or unnecessarily loud exhales. After about five seconds, the silence was shattered by a blaring pop theme song, which attempted to induce momentary happiness as most pop songs do.
It succeeded in distracting the family from their inability to communicate to one another and in doing so, released a bit of tension that was mingling in the air. Simultaneously, the cat slinked in under the cover of that monotonous tune and positioned itself on the second shelf of a bookshelf in the corner of the living room, void of light.
Upon his arrival into the living room, the younger boy began to play with some Transformer toys he received as birthday presents a few weeks ago. He began to make noises often attributed to mechanical beings engaged in battle. Noises such as pshhhhhhhhewwwwww and chuuuwww with laser blasts flying all around, pew, pew. His father could not tolerate this any longer and issued a threat. "If you don't play quietly, you'll have to go to bed."
Hearing this frightened the boy as it would any child his age, due to his desires to be accepted as an independent person as his siblings were. The boy continued to play silently but found the pleasure was drained by the lack of sound effects, so he put down the toys and looked for another source of entertainment. He quickly found that tracing the designs on the carpet would suffice. Meanwhile, a shocking one-liner sent the sitcom to commercial:
Do you want sexy abs? Well we here at The Medical Research Facilities in Malibu, California have created a brand new fitness tool to help you attain the rock hard abs you've been dreaming of. The Ab Wheel is all the fitness equipment you'll need to tighten those abs! Just call 1-800-ABWHEEL to place your order for this magnificent device. Have your credit card ready, no…
During this commercial and the following for a new prescription drug called Energex, the family sat in relative silence. Energex claimed to reduce depression in some cases and then, at the end of the commercial, sprayed a laundry list of possible side effects. The mother expressed the minimum amount of interest in her children's education and asked a question familiar to many children and received answers familiar to many parents, "How's school going, kids?"
"Fine," responded the eldest son, not even taking his eyes or primary concentration from his Game Boy.
"Fine," answered the daughter swiftly. Her interest was focused on a commercial for Pepsi that starred her most influential role model, Brittany Spears.
The mother delved no deeper into the matter and offered these highly
encouraging words:
"Make sure you keep up with your school work."
These words left no impression whatsoever on the two adolescents. At that point the father took a momentary interest. "Your mother is right, kids; your education is very important to your future."
After that lengthy, in-depth conversation, the sitcom was back on and the urge to say something fled. The youngest boy raced his fingers through the twists and turns of the Persian track as if the carpet was a world-class racetrack designed exclusively for his amusement. He was an especially imaginative boy who had not yet been robbed of his imagination by male adolescent interests such as MTV or breaking things. Pop culture had not begun to think for him yet. The desire to cultivate a certain identifying image had yet to snare the boy.
At that moment, the golden retriever appeared in the threshold between the living room and the rest of the house, wearily considered entering and chose to stay there. The dog was, as in many American families, the one common interest of every family member and was treated well. The youngest boy was especially fond of the dog because his age caused him to seek a friend who was easier to please than his older, more mature siblings. The boy and the dog would often play fetch in the backyard or playfully wrestle indoors. An example of their tight bond occurred several months earlier when a local bully chased the boy into his backyard hoping to corner him and inflict several injuries to the younger boy's face. The bully's plot was foiled by the dog when it was let out into the backyard to do his "business." The dog stood between the two boys and unleashed a freezing snarl at the bully, sending him back peddling to safety.
After a few moments, the dog became restless and issued a whimper to the first floor of the house. Only the youngest boy recognized its cry; he got up and went over to the dog and relieved its need for attention. The other family members heard the whimper but did not care to attend to it. The younger boy gave the dog a hug and asked, "Are you lonely? Well, I'm here." The boy smiled and hugged the beautiful dog again.
Once the dog attained the boy's full attention and confidence, it led the boy away from the blue fog into the foyer of the house, which had a television-like view into the living room. The dog sat and repeatedly slapped the boy in the face with its damp tongue. The boy giggled joyfully and petted the dog lovingly until the dog was content with the amount of slobber pasted on the boy's face and arms. The boy peered into the living room and was somewhat disturbed by the scene before him. It appeared that his family was being engulfed by a gaseous blue monster. His imagination was running rampant. Alarmed, he made a hesitant move toward his endangered family but was stopped by the dog shuffling forward to impede his path. The dog succeeded in extinguishing the boy's desire to bring the fog to the attention of his kin, but the boy refused to take his eyes off the frightening phenomena in the next room. Questions flooded the boy's mind, but the answers were still years away.
Throughout the remainder of the night, the boy maintained his distance from his family and the fog. The television spat great amounts of propaganda promoting beer, automobiles, and Jesus, among other necessities of life. The main course for the family came when the newest reality show was served to satisfy their voyeuristic desires. A tension filled theme song broke into the room, capturing the interest of every family member. The narrator began to describe the situation and what was at stake:
After a month of being isolated and tempted by the opposite sex, we'll see if these couples will makeup or breakup! So don't change the channel now because the season finale of Real Desire will continue after these important messages from our sponsors.
The family's daily dose of vicarious living was interrupted by an important pitch by the United States Army:
'I am an individual, I am original, I am an army of one.' The Army is composed of thousands of individuals working together for a common good. Call 1 800 GO ARMY now to signup and serve your country and democracy. Join now and become an army of one.
Before the sexually charged reality show returned, a preview for the local news prepared viewers for the upcoming broadcast:
An eleven-hour standoff between police and a gunman ends in bloodshed when police were forced to open fire, killing the gunman as well as three hostages. An American Airlines plane has to perform an emergency landing leaving dozens injured; more on these stories including weather and sports at eleven.
This message was immediately followed by the return of the most anticipated program of the night, though not every family member would view it. The mother, possibly compelled by parental instinct to dismiss the children due to the sexual content of the show, announced, "Children, go up to bed, it's already ten o'clock and take your little brother with you."
"Aw, Mom, our homework is finished," the boy pleaded.
"I don't care; you need to get a good night's rest for school tomorrow," the mother replied.
The youngest child was distraught at this development for there was much more he had to learn, and his research would be suspended for the night. He also felt uneasy by the thought of having to leave the security of his best friend's side. Within seconds, the boy's sister came and took his hand and said:
"Come on, bro, time for bed."
He was led by the hand upstairs where he changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth under the supervision of his sister. Once his bedtime rituals were completed, he was allowed to go downstairs to say good night to his parents. "Good night Mommy," the boy said, hugging his mother.
When he got to his father, the boy was treated to a gentle pat on the head. "Good night, kiddo."
Before the boy exited the room, he noticed the cat, sprawled on the bookshelf in the dim corner, which appeared to be grinning in a somewhat mischievous manner. As he left the room, he was slightly disturbed by the image of the cat and didn't entirely trust the fog and the cat to remain serene. In spite of this, he left the room and trekked up the stairs to his bedroom. The other two children chose not to return to the living room to offer kind words before bed in an attempt to instill feelings of guilt on their tyrannous parents' consciences. Before going to bed herself, the only girl tucked the youngest boy in and wished him sweet dreams and closed his door.
The boy fell asleep after about ten minutes, dreaming of his loyal golden friend, the scheming cat, and the mysterious fog in the living room.
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